Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we should paint friendship bongs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
