it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
