ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
