I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
