pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
