Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
