You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
