you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
