I can't watch pbs sober anymore
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
