I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
