Sponge bath it is.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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