My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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