I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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