I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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