Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i love accidental penises.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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