all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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