Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunk is not a location!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
