You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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