Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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