How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
