Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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