I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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