Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
