1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
