so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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