So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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