zippers are such a cool invention
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
