Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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