i think my tv is drunk
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
