I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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