he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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