Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
