Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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