amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
