I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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