I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
