Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The air was thick with penises
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
