holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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