Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
