My first STD was from a foam party
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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