we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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