woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize