i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
