ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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