He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
