Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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