i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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