BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
