So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
