what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
