Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize