I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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