Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
