okay pat passed out under dana's car
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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