based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
