haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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