I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize