I want to make a zoo with you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
