U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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