So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
