Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
