WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize