drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
