Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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