We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
