I wish my penis had an off switch
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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