dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
