I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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