So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
